MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT.
GOOD MORNING MISFITS.
And how are you today ? Second tour of 2009 completed, Again a good one with plenty of laughs and friends caught up with along the way. Seems to me that as soon as we got into the GFM area the madness started, Pictiboy as always the out and out instigator, Stealing my hiking boots from outside my hotel room in Linville! I chose to feel philosophical about it as I had seen a roofing contractors van outside my room shortly before my BARKING = stinking ... boots went awol. Road weary as I was at this point I just thought " f##k it! I,ll have Mrs Ramone bring me a pair of old Doc Martins, Jamesie being Jamesie though he had to phone and ask if I was going out for a meal! Mannerly as ever I told him to shove his invitation up his KEEKIE WINKIE = ass ! As some scoundrel had stolen my GANTING = stinking old boots! " why dont you stick on your stage boots? he asked pouring oil on already troubled waters, Again ever the soul of diplomacy I growled that " I would stick my size 13 boot full force up his BALLOON KNOT = guess with my not inconsiderable bulk behind it! Jamesie signed off saying that he would see me bright and early saturday morning.
Sure enough I was bright and early and there is the " Baron of the bass " with my smelly boots round his neck! I laughed
and thought " it,s going to be one of those weekends. I was safe enough though
The band had bigger fish to fry, SCYTHIAN. we were still vowing revenge for the PA Celtic fling a few weeks earlier and inspiration struck
in the most spectacular fashion! EUREKA lets kidnap their hideous pink Christmas sweater and ransom it off for five 12 packs of Heiniken! Then imaginations kicked into play and even I baulked at the way things were going. Forget the Heini,s the band would take it to Scotland and email photo,s of the sweater having a great time on tour with the band. I knew better than to voice concerns and thought " surely the boys wont leave it where we can NICK = steal it. Alas the stealing was to prove easier than stealing candy from a baby as big Rob " I used to play bodhran in Albannach until they sacked me! Resident bore of f##k and killer for hire for all seasons! simply took it from Alex,s shoulders as he spoke to a well wisher at their stall!
" Oh Jayzis " I thought the gloves are well and truly off now! This was striking at the core of this bands onstage psyche! Taking this hideous sweater " that I personally wouldnt have worn on a 12 hour night shift in the old steel mill " Most entertainers are superstitious and this was an annihalating blow, especially if the sweater went to Scotland, The band would curse the mountain and never forget the loss of their talisman until we put them out of their misery. Dan makes an announcement from the stage sunk in gloom and bewilderment " bring back the sweater even if you have to break the knee,s of the thief to do so. All the while I am clutching the now shiny Medicine bag that a child gave me as a gift in Russia years back and hoping that the band will show mercy. Scythian start playing like the consummate professionals they are but the show is interspersed with maudlin songs like " Ride on " immortalized by Christy Moore, By this point it,s agreed that we,ll jam with the immense BARLEY JUICE and then Scythian to make up for the fact that we are not going to be able to play our last set of the weekend !
I think " sod that for a game of soldiers " jamming with these guys! They,ll take one look in my eyes and the game will be up, Either that or worse still to my guilty mind they,ll shake my hand and smile. Yepadoodle doo
they shook my hand and smiled and even more graciously stood back to let Too Tall and I have microphones to project our sound! What a position for yer Auld Da to be in
They are hoping that we,ve taken their totem ! That way they know they,ll get it back
But they are also scanning the crowd doubtless wondering " If The Nach havent taken our Jumper are we playing to the thief who is watching and laughing
The jam is great and I get the hell out of dodge as soon as I can. The gig ends and it,s back to the hotel for a shower and a shave before the after festival meal and drink with the bands and entertainers before hopefully going back to the mountain with the kiddo,s to watch the ghostly bagpiper ending the weekend, That didnt happen sadly
So the party starts and muscicians are shooting the sh#t and I,m talking to Joey and Dan and they have convinced themselve,s that we have done it as they really dont want to think about the alternative
The beer is flowing like a mountain stream when I hear roars of laughter and heartfelt curses tinged somewhat with relief
I soon see the source of the cursing
Jamesie is standing boldly wearing the hideous sweater and the Scythian boys are calling him all kinds of names! Joey the bass player appears as the hilarity is dying down and engages Jamesie in conversation , All the while yer man has his pink wool covered chest puffed out and when Joey realises the cursing kicks off all over again.
Later in the evening after many many beers Joey and Dan assure me that if " All out Jihad
is to be averted we are going to have to come up with a special " peace initiative! I think we hammered out a mutually beneficial solution to our escalating war! But that,s for another time.
Thanks to everyone who made GFM 2009 such a party and all the wonderful bands who played their hearts out.
DAVY RAMONE. Wild Bill Guarnere survivor
