MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT
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GOOD MORNING GUYS!
Thats what the wee brother told me last week! Better hop to it huh !! It,s not as if I have any work to do Keir! 2 kids, numerous animals and art projects! I think the brother is reacquainting himself with family history through his big brothers daft blogs! He was always quite amused by the patter at my old factory! He works in a quieter environment with sharp objects! Scissors, But the way he talks now there is more banter! his business partner Peter is a lovely humourous guy but fairly quiet! Keir almost paralyzed him laughing at me on one occasion! My brothers wife had dropped into his shop on one occasion shortly before I came here and was telling my brother how their son! My nephew wanted to hangout with me before I left! Laura and I get on great! But she said to Keir! " I dont know Keir ! Davys great! But he,s different from anybody I,ve ever met! Keir put his scissors down in exasperation and Shot back! " Whit do you mean different????? the way your talking you would think he had been raised by wolves! He returned to his work shaking his head! then heard what sounded like muffled sobbing! He turned and saw his partner bent double over a sink crying quietly with laughter at the mental image conjured up of the quiet blond haired kid " ME " who,se hair he had been cutting since I was 7, being raised by Wolves . My nephew is a quiet 6 foot 4 young man now and a time served joiner! someone tried to give him a hard time for wanting to work with wood ! Stephen shrugged " If it was a good enough job for Jesus then it,s a good enough job for me! I was totally SKINT coming here, But as we said " see you later" he was another one that pressed 300 dollars in my hand! " I,ll pay you back son " I replied choked up! at the young boy I used to carry on my shoulders! He was another one who told me to " Shove my money up my ! You know where ??
Keir loved the story from his babyhood concerning one of our fathers exploits! He got THE WOODEN SPOON in this one though! or more accurately a fireside poker smashed over his his head! Both my sisters had reached the age where with the assistance of a downstairs neighbour " if their baby brothers got out of hand " they could babysit Keir and I, I was 4 and Keir would have been one! My mother had taken work in a local pub called the Waggon Inn to supplement money! And on a saturday night my father would walk the short distance to collect my mother to walk home! He had a few halfs and beers in rapid succession to! then they would buy a Fish supper and walk home happily at a leisurely pace!
This saturday they arrive home, open the door and the first thing they see is Keir standing at the top of the stairs in a heavily soiled NAPPY and roaring like a bull! Nothing different there! He was born! I kid you not premature at 10 pounds! A FAMILY LEGEND PERHAPS ?? My father remembers visiting him in the premature ward! With him roaring the walls down surrounded by all these wee premature infants! My father laughed but told me " I just wanted to grab all those babies and bring them home with me! He would have been in his element! Surrounded by " wee squeakers, as he called them " singing away and cuddling them! But anyway seeing Keir in that state he tore up the stairs! My mother behind him, bursts in the living room door and finds a firelit room with my two sisters, pillows in front of their faces watching " The curse of the werewolf or something on the rented black and white Tv! He growls at Nan " Your brothers standing at the top of the stairs sh#te everywhere and your sitting on your arses watching television! My mother bursts in behind him just as Nan doe,s the worst possible thing under the circumstances! Gives him a sarcastic remark and a smirk! The old man loses it and roars! " I,ll wipe that f##king smile off your face! My mother is between my father and sisters in a blink of an eye and growls ! " touch her and I,ll kill you
as events subsequently unfold this is not an empty threat! they are in front of the fireplace and now my father laughs and makes the potentially deadly in this case! mistake of smirking, and as my mother said by playfully, but dismissively pretend slapping her on both sides of the face! Still intent on getting to my sister! Quick as lightning my mother grabs the poker and shouts! " I warned you " ! and smashes the poker off my fathers bare head! Stunned he goes down like a poleaxed bull in a spray of blood! MORAL please dont f**k about with my mother where her children were concerned !!! But my mother panics and flees and somehow gets to her brothers house four miles away in a village called Plains! Maybe an hour later she returns with my Uncle John! God bless him! He was a big strapping handsome man ,But a fighter ? no! He resembled the Hollywood legend Stewart Granger . This quiet man told me later that he mounted the stairs like a man walking to his execution! He knew my fathers reputation for horrific violence when it came to fighting! But he earned my fathers everlasting respect that saturday night for even daring to confront him! When my uncle entered the room he was greeted with the sight of my father, a sleeping baby in one arm! Pressing a bloody dishtowel to his head and my two sisters snuggled in on either side of him! My uncle sighed and said " what happened Robert? My sisters in the car in a state of shock, scared to come in ! My father had to laugh as he raised the bloody towel and showing my wincing uncle the split skin of his scalp said ! " A state of f###king shock! Look what she did to me! John went and got my mother who came in and surveyed the carnage and muttered sheepishly " I,m awful sorry Robert! Maybe next time you,ll listen to me! My father laughed! But next morning bright and early he took the bloody poker to the bottom of the garden and using a 10 pound hammer pounded it into the lawn like a tent peg! It,s probably still there! From 1968...
My God! When those two went head to head it was The Clash of the Titans ! But we grew up secure!
HAPPY KEIR
DAVY ...
WOODEN SPOON = 2ND PRIZE IN A FIGHT..
NAPPY = DAIPER .....................................
PS... It could be construed as irresponsible leaving an angry injured man with a child he was annoyed with! But my mother probably knew, Even in the state she was in that her husband would rather die than harm a child! But he was scary ! Even a look and a polite " Oh " was warning enough ! as a child I saw him drag a terrified bus driver from his driving seat on a busy bus in broad daylight ! The reason ? He had given my mother a sarcastic reply to a polite question! the way the atmosphere changed in that split second! My mother told him " put him down Robert! He,s not worth it. My father slowly, but contemptuously did! But whatever the burly driver saw when he looked into my fathers eyes he was petrified.
