A FRIKKING JIGSAW PUZZLE.

[Albannach - Davey]

                                 MEMOIRS OF AN AIRDRIEONION IDIOT.
                                 16TH MARCH.

MORNING GUYS.
  As my mother might have said I took THE BULL BY THE ANTELOPES yesterday and purchased a large ring binder " Sounds vaguely painful " I wouldnt want anybody binding my ring! Let me tell you, I bought some  plastic covers while I was at it! The reason ??? To start putting all the printoffs of my memoirs in some cohesive numerical order! I,ll tell you there is a sh#t load of them, stretching back nearly three years when I started goofing off online with Jamesie, Aya and sometimes The Bullfrog! I have a couple of his surreal replies from Donnie! I dont talk much about Donnie but most of the time 99 and three quarters of the time we get on like a house on fire! We,ll take TIRRAVEE,S on the road and hang out talk a load of sh#te reminisce, And then back to " Alright wee man? It,s cool and we go back a long way now! Hell he played the pipes at my mothers funeral and graveside! So he is like a terrible wee brother, And when he really exasperates me I,ll growl  " thank fk that your not my size, The world would be an empty wasteland! But most of the time I just shake my head, I still have a torn up dollar bill in my medicine bag that reminds me of the time Donnie and I embarked on a drinking session after a festival in Tennessee and wound up in the company of an amazing " hustler / magician! Somehow the guy got a dollar bill inside an untouched lemon, While the piper and I boozed away happily and supplied him with drink! A great days boozing which didnt descend into anarchy! A karaoke session in Seoul South Korea descended into anarchy after a Korean dentist purchased a massive CARGO and rented a private karaoke room and we all took  turns bellowing tunelessly ! I seem to remember singing an epic version of " Knowing me, knowing you ! by ABBA ! AH HA! Somehow or other Jamesie and I got Donnie to give a Korean karaoke singer his prized Celtic football shirt off his scrawny back! south Korea gets damn chilly in november and Donnie shuddered and cursed us for making him give his shirt away as we walked back to our amazing Grand Hyatt hotel! He received scant sympathy from the two of us with our decidedly Rangers football club loyalties as he shuddered and called us a couple of " Fking HUN DOBBERS " What Donnie swearing ????? this was the tour of duty that I called off work with a pretend dose of the Flu to embark on. It was the worst kept secret in my factory and people couldnt grasp the concept of taking time off work for a three day trip to South Korea! I failed to show on the monday afternoon and strolled back in on the friday! Surreal to say the least! On the wednesday while attending a museum in full regalia I was chased by 20 korean kids screaming at me! Our guide told me they thought I was a monk and wanted photo,s with me! at this point I sported the shaved head, without a beard! FRIDAY ! I,m back in steelcapped boots and overalls driving a forklift truck and a crane!
   I,ll get back to sorting out mixed up essays later today when the little guy has a nap! My brother was telling me on friday that he reads the blogs after work as well as some of my old workmates and boys from the village that we grew up in. Another great friend that I ran with in Scotland now has his own company making documentaries about Scotland told me that when I return We,ll do a mini documentary of all the pubs and clubs that I learned my trade in, Farqhuar " an ancient nickname " almost suffered a smashed kneecap at the hands of our pal Fraser armed with a Newcastle Brown bottle! I did suffer a smashed kneecap at Frasers hands! Farqhaur when complimented on his dancing, At our local nightclub the Double AA. thanked the girl and said he had been learning to dance wearing his new prosthetic leg! He thought if he lied about having an artificial leg she would leave him alone! She asked us to back our friends assertion! Fraser not only backed the assertion up , But smashed a newcastle Brown bottle across his friends " false leg " to give the lie further credence ! Would it surprise you to find out that we were thrown out with a hideously moaning Farqhuar ?????????? Fraser was totally nonplussed saying " But I was only backing you up!
   I havent spoken to my pal for nearly three years! But we always pick up as if we had only spoken yesterday! Oh well " Hi ho! It,s back to sculpting I go.

DAVY RAMONE................................. .............

CARGO = A carryout of beer..................................

HUN = rangers suppoprter............................. ................

DOBBER = A$$HOLE..........................................................

TO TAKE THE BULL BY THE ANTELOPES = take the bull by the horns..
TIRRAVEE = To take a notion, an impulse................................ ...........